


Leather and Lace

by AHSCovenAvengersAlliance (APC1989)



Category: American Horror Story: Coven, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-10-21 10:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17641115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APC1989/pseuds/AHSCovenAvengersAlliance
Summary: James "Bucky" Barnes is living at Miss Robichaux's Academy while Cordelia is helping him regain his memory. He begins to develop feelings for Misty Day.





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky Barnes awoke with a start. His skin was on fire and he was covered in sweat. He blinked back tears and gasped for air. He had been dreaming that he was back in HYDRA’S clutches again and they were dragging him to the machine that would wipe his mind. He looked around wildly for a moment trying to figure out where he was. It took him a moment to before he realized he was in his room at Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies. He let out a ragged sigh as he turned on the lamp beside his bedside table. He pushed off the covers and sat on the side of the bed trying to take deep breaths before he finally got up and made his way to the bathroom. He splashed some cold water on his face and filled a small cup beside the sink with some water. He had gulped it down when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. His brown hair was tangled and unkempt, his skin though it had a glistening sheen from the sweat was pale and his eyes had dark circles underneath them, which combined with the haunted wild look that was there now...He shuddered and walked back into bedroom collapsing onto the bed with a combination of exhaustion and frustration. It was going to be one of those nights.  
Some days Bucky wondered whether he would ever be free of the nightmare that he had been a part of…no, that he was. For seventy years he had been the Winter Soldier, a programmed fighter and assassin, going after enemies of HYDRA and eliminating them with no remorse. It had only been recently that he had finally been stopped and rescued by the combined efforts of The Avengers (led by his life-long best friend Steve Rogers) and the witches of Miss Robichaux’s Academy who he had been ordered to attack.  
Steve had left with the other Avengers to take on various HYDRA cells in Europe. Bucky wished he could be there with them fighting instead of cooped up like some kind of invalid feeling useless. He realized of course that he wasn’t ready to be back on the battlefields yet; he had to repair his broken mind which HYDRA had wiped so many times.  
That was where Cordelia Goode, the headmistress of the academy and the Coven’s Supreme, came in. Every other weeknight after her classes were over she would come to see Bucky and would work with him to help regain his memories. Bucky had mixed feelings about these sessions. He realized how important it was to get his memory back and to free his mind completely from HYDRA’s programming but with as many terrible things he had done, some days he wasn’t sure he wanted to remember anything at all. Cordelia seemed to realize the toll these memories had on him. She always tried to end her sessions by trying to help Bucky remember pleasant memories about his family in Brooklyn or his friendship with Steve and the Commandos. He was deeply indebted to her of course. It had been only about a month ago that he had attacked the school and attempted to kill her and the students, a mission that now free of mind control was grateful had failed. For Cordelia to take him in as she did and help him heal his physical and mental wounds after all of that...well, he wasn’t sure what he believed any more in terms of religion, but he felt Cordelia Goode could be a candidate for sainthood.  
For the most part he tended to avoid the main house. He hated the way the students looked at him fearfully as if he were about to go on a rampage. He didn’t blame any of them though. Considering what happened it was understandable they would still be afraid of him. However he had made some inroads with a few select individuals.  
He had become friendly with Kyle and Luke. They had been cautious at first but had warmed up to him gradually and they now shared a casual friendship; mainly originating from the fact they were the only three males in an all-girls school. He helped them with chores around the properties and they would get together and play various card games every Saturday. They were certainly not like the card games he had played with the Commandos as neither of the boys smoked or drank. In fact, the greatest vice at this card table were the pastries that Luke brought made by Nan, his girlfriend and one of the few students who didn’t seem to fear Bucky. Luke had mentioned she was clairvoyant and although Bucky was uncomfortable with the idea of someone else being able to read his thoughts Nan never gave any indication about what she might have seen or felt.  
Besides Cordelia there were three students who had been tasked helping him to heal. The first two, Catherine and Callista Whitmore, had become friendly with Steve while he had been at the school and so he suspected they felt a certain duty to help him. However he wasn’t going to turn down any offers of company or friendship and in fact over the past month he had come to view them like his own sisters. He would chat with them about history, various languages, and other subjects of common interest to all of them. He had told them about feeling somewhat idle and they sought to remedy this. Catherine lent him books to read and was teaching him to play the guitar and piano (for which in return he was teaching her Russian). Callista introduced Bucky to the worlds of Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime and had given him a list of movies and shows to binge on. Unlike her sister who was an avowed pacifist, Callista had an interest in fighting and had asked Bucky to teach her some things as soon as he felt up to it. Bucky had said he would think about it though in truth he wasn’t sure how he felt about sharing his “skills” with anyone considering all the damage they had caused.  
There was a soft knock at the door. Bucky started and then inwardly cursed himself; lately he had been worse than a damned rabbit. “Come in.” The door opened and Misty Day, the third student tasked with taking care of Bucky, peered into the room.  
“Hey I saw your light was on…are you ok?”  
“Yeah, yeah…it’s nothing…I’m fine,” he managed to stammer out while avoiding her gaze.  
“Fine? You look like you’ve been rode hard and put up wet.” She moved towards the bed and sat down next to him. Bucky got up the nerve to glance up. Her face showed a gentle concern. Bucky noticed her eyes were the green of a verdant forest.  
“Yeah just…trouble sleeping. It’s nothing you need to worry about.”  
“Well, considerin’ we’re supposed to be helpin’ you get back on your feet I think we do. I mean, you need your rest.” She sat down beside him on the bed and Bucky caught the scent of honeysuckle and that sweet fresh fragrance of the earth after rain. “I have trouble sleepin’ too; it’s nightmares right?” Bucky bristled uncomfortably.  
“Great, I guess you can read minds too.”  
“Not really. I mean I can sense things… Mostly I know ‘cause I’ve had ‘em plenty…still do.”  
“What about?”  
“Stuff in my past…it ain’t exactly relaxin’ conversation.”  
“Well we’re both up so…” he looked at her expectantly. She eyed him with uncertainty.  
“The things I’ve been through…I’m not sure you’d believe ‘em if I told you.”  
“I’m a ninety-seven year old former assassin living at a school for witches. At this point I think I have a pretty open mind.” Misty shifted her body so was now sitting cross-legged across from Bucky on the bed.  
“Cordelia’s mom, she was the Supreme before Cordelia, well, when she died she never named a successor. Apparently you’re s’posed to do that.” She shrugged and continued with her story. “We had to take this test…the Seven Wonders. One of the tests is Descensum…you basically have to project your soul into Hell and come back and I couldn’t get out…I never would’ve if Cordelia hadn’t come down there to save me. I was ever so lost in that darkness…” Her voice trembled slightly and a tear rolled down her cheek she reached up to wipe it away.  
“Wait…I have some tissues,” Bucky opened the drawer of his bedside table and pulled out a box of tissues which he handed to her. “If I may ask…what was it? Your hell?”  
“When I was real young I uh…we had to dissect a frog in Science class. Well, I brought mine back to life and the teacher Mr. Kringle…he was sure it was a trick and he made me cut it open, kill it. My daddy took me out of school that day. When I was in hell, I had to do that over and over again…” Her voice trailed off and she turned back towards Bucky, “maybe it don’t sound like much…”  
“No…it sounds like what I had to do…it just wasn’t frogs.” They were silent for a moment before Bucky spoke up.  
“That guy though Kringle…well, I don’t normally curse in front of a lady but I hope your Dad kicked his ass.” A sad smile crossed Misty’s face and she chuckled.  
“He wanted to, almost did, but we’d already lost Mama…she died when I was a baby before we even knew what I was and we were all each other had. Course then Katrina came a couple years later and I lost him too.”  
“Katrina?”  
“Hurricane back in ’05. My daddy and I had to climb onto the roof the water was so high. Boat came along but there was only enough room for one. They tried to send help but they never found his body so I couldn’t even bring him back.”  
“I’m sorry,” it was all Bucky could think of to say and the words seemed so inept. He wished he could offer something more; some eloquent thought that would make everything better. Instead, he found himself stammering out, “So…uh…was that when you came here?” Misty shook her head. “Oh no, I only found the Coven last year. After my daddy died, I went to live with my Aunt Vivian outside of Lafayette. Her and my Uncle and Cousin Isaiah.” She looked pained. “From the start it was…my Aunt Viv is real sweet and Isaiah…but Uncle Nathan…he’s a real mean man. For a long time he drank but even after he quit he still would beat Viv; Isaiah too when he tried to protect her or when he didn’t think he was bein’ ‘man’ enough.”  
“What about you?” Misty shook her head.  
“I was good about stayin’ out of way. I should've done more though…”  
“Sounds like there wasn’t much you could do. I mean you were a kid.”  
“Well, I did what I could to keep everything peaceful. Helped Viv with chores and the cooking so Nathan wouldn’t have a reason to beat her. I even managed to keep my powers a secret from most of the people we knew; Viv and Isaiah knew of course but then everything fell apart.” She paused, “do you have some water?”  
“Of course, I’ll get it. Bucky made his way to the bathroom and filled the small cup beside the sink with water. He brought it back to Misty and handed it to her as he sat back down on the bed. She took a cautious sip and then continued.  
“Isaiah was in love with the preacher’s son, Adam. We came up with a plan where we-- Adam and I--we pretended we were seein’ each other and then Isaiah would come with us on dates to ‘chaperone,’ but when we were out of sight I’d just go out to the woods on my own and let them spend time together. It was all goin’ fine but then Adam’s parents found out about him somehow…sent him away to some conversion camp. That was the same week I resurrected a bird. We were havin’ service and it was just there lyin’ in the field and I knew that I needed to be careful but,” she looked at Bucky with an almost pleading expression as if she needed him to understand, “I had to help it…the same way that when I was in hell I had to bring back that frog.” She took up the cup again and gulped down the rest of the water. “One of the church gossips saw me bring it back and a few nights later I was ripped out of my bed…burned me. Obviously I managed to bring myself back.” Bucky felt himself growing angry.  
“How could your Aunt just sit by and let that happen?!”  
“You gotta understand…Aunt Viv did everything she could and she and Isaiah are part of the reason I’m alive…but everyone was in an uproar and Nathan was on the front lines with the bastards who burned me. If they had resisted they probably would have been thrown in the flames with me.”  
“Still…” Bucky shook his head in disgust. “So, what happened? How did you get here?”  
“Well after everyone had gone, Isaiah came with the pickup truck and got me. Apparently Viv had been afraid something would happen so she’d been packin’ my stuff up and was tryin’ to come up with somewhere I could go. He ended up takin’ me this shack in the swamps. The land had been left to my Dad and Viv. Apparently Nathan has no idea it exists. Isaiah stayed for about a week; made sure I got healed up and got me settled in. He had to go back though and I haven’t seen him or Viv’ since. A few weeks later I got a sense of somethin’ callin’ me and that’s how I ended up meetin’ Zoe and comin’ here.” She looked up at Bucky apologetically.  
“I’m sorry…I wasn’t tryin’ to burden you with all that. I guess I was just tryin’ to say that I know somethin’ about…” her voice trailed off.  
“Nightmares,” finished Bucky.  
“Yeah…” she gave him a melancholy smile. “Do you want to talk about…well whatever it was that woke you up?” She gazed at him with a sincerity that made Bucky want to tell her every bad dream and dark memory but if he told her even half the things he’d done…he couldn’t bear the thought seeing the horror in her eyes and becoming one more nightmare to her.  
“No, I think I’m good. For now.”  
“Okay,” said Misty with uncertainty. She got up to leave and Bucky to stumbled to his feet. She turned towards Bucky. “If you ever do want to talk about things…I stay up late.” Bucky nodded.  
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”  
“Well goodnight, I’m next door if you need me.” Bucky listened to her footsteps in the hall and breathed in the scent of honeysuckle and rain


	2. Chapter 2

As August quietly slipped into September, the oppressive New Orleans heat showed no signs of letting up. Just taking a breath made Bucky feel like he was drowning though even the heat of the day was preferable to the deep abyss of his nightmares. He tried to escape through activity no matter what he did, he felt he was only a few steps ahead of a dark shadow that could envelop him for good.  
As he waited for Cordelia this particular evening, Bucky found himself (once again) pondering Misty’s offer to talk. On one hand he felt that of all the people at Miss Robichaux’s Misty seemed to be most likely to understand him and what he had been through. She had been through hell herself quite literally. However, every time he considered knocking on her door he pictured her emerald eyes widening with horror at what he had done at HYDRA’s bidding and he had done those things… There was no denying it and although Steve, Cordelia and others kept trying to reassure him that he was not responsible for what he had done with his mind in HYDRA’s control, the deeds had still been done. He was interrupted from his thoughts by Cordelia’s arrival.  
“I’m sorry if I kept you waiting, I had a meeting with a student that ran over.” She shivered a little, “it’s a bit chilly in here.”  
“I can turn the heat up if you need it.” Cordelia smiled at him reassuringly.  
“I’ll be fine. I take it you’re still not used to the heat down here.” Bucky cracked a smile.  
“Well, in Brooklyn we actually have four seasons instead of just one.”  
“New Orleans has seasons; they’re just…more subtle.”  
“Well maybe all those years in an icebox screwed up my sense of temperature.”  
“Are you ready to get started or do you need a few minutes?”  
“Oh no I’m ready when you are,” said Bucky. Cordelia sat beside him on the couch she placed her hands in Bucky’s and uttered some words in Welsh. Bucky closed his eyes and found himself with Cordelia standing beside an abandoned wooded road. Cordelia looked at him curiously.  
“Do you know where we are?” Bucky nodded grimly.  
“I have an idea,” he muttered. A white car whizzed by the two of them. Suddenly there was a beam of light, the buzz of a motorcycle’s engine. There was a shot, the sound of a crash, breaking glass. The sound of muffled voices another few shots and then silence. Cordelia turned to Bucky.  
“What was this?” Bucky shrugged.  
“One more horrible thing the Winter Soldier did.”  
“Yes but what do you remember about this night?” Bucky took a ragged breath.  
“The target was on his way to the Pentagon. My mission was to apprehend the Target, obtain some sort of merchandise.”  
“Keep going Bucky…what was the merchandise?”  
“It was a new serum to enhance people.”  
“Like you and Steve?”  
“Yeah.” Bucky shuddered, the air was cold around them but the chill he felt when all the way down to his bones. Something about this night nagged at his mind. He did not want to be here. “Look can we go?”  
“Bucky,” Cordelia placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I know this can’t be easy. We have to repair your memory though and that means all of it. Even this…whatever it is.” She gazed at the crash bit her lip and turned back to Bucky. “We could leave this memory now but it will come up again. You know that.”  
“Yeah, I know.”  
“Let’s rewind then.” Bucky’s forehead crinkled with concentration and as he focused time reversed in front of them. Shots, muffled voices, the car seemingly repairing itself as metal and glass were reshaped and repaired, the buzz of the motorcycle, the car moving backwards on the road into the night. All was silence.  
“I think I’m ready.”  
“You sure? We can take a moment for you to get your bearings.” Bucky shrugged.  
“It’s like you said. I can’t escape. It’ll just keep haunting me until I face it.” However, the words felt hollow.  
“Whatever happened here…just remember, I’m with you every step of the way ok?” Bucky nodded stoically.  
“Ok.” Once again, the car whizzed by in the night. Bucky saw the beam of light from the forest and watched as The Winter Soldier rode out of the woods and shot out the tires of the car. “We probably should get closer.”  
“Take my hand.” Within an instant they were next to the crashed vehicle. They saw an older man with white hair crawl out of the car as The Winter Soldier strode towards him.  
“Help my wife. Please. Help.” The Soldier grabbed the man by the hair so that his face was visible. There was a sharp intake of breath from Bucky. He knew this face but how? As the man gazed at the soldier his expression became one of shock.  
“Sergeant Barnes?”  
“Howard!” A woman’s voice cried out in terror from the passenger seat of the car as Bucky backed away from the scene.  
“No. No, no no…God no.”  
“Bucky!” Cordelia grabbed him by the shoulders. “Stay with me ok?” Memories broke forth like water through a dam around both of them. Bucky gazing up admiringly at Howard Stark and his flying car, Howard gifting equipment to the Commandos and joining them for drinks when they were in London…Howard Stark, inventor, ally to Captain America…and he had murdered him.  
Bucky collapsed to the floor. There was a bitter taste in his mouth he started to heave.  
“Bucky! Bucky! It’s ok…here.” Cordelia passed him a small trash can which Bucky seized from her just in time to vomit up his dinner. He leaned over the trash can dry heaving his eyes stinging with tears.  
“Bucky?” He became conscious again of Cordelia’s voice. She was sitting on the floor beside him. “Bucky? We’re back. It’s ok now.” He shook his head.  
“No, no it’s not!”  
“Bucky we can talk about this. It’s not…”  
“DAMN IT I KNOW! IT’S NOT MY FAULT! IT’S NEVER MY FAULT! WELL I JUST REMEMBERED MURDERING HOWARD STARK! WHO’S GODDAMN FAULT IS THAT?!” He squelched his eyes shut. It was all he could do to keep breathing.  
“I’m sorry Bucky,” said Cordelia solemnly. “Maybe…,” she sighed, “I pushed you to remember…Maybe you weren’t ready for that particular memory.” Bucky scoffed.  
“It was coming sooner or later. You said it yourself.”  
“Can I get you anything?”  
“I’m fine! You’ve done enough,” Bucky said harshly. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.  
“It’s ok.” Cordelia spoke soothingly. “Obviously we don’t have to do anymore tonight.” She glanced at him worriedly, “Would you like to give Steve a call?”  
“What and tell him I murdered Howard Stark? He’ll be so proud…”  
“There’s a good chance he already knows. He did have files about y…The Winter Soldier.” Bucky clutched the trash can tightly to his chest the tension in the room was thicker than the humidity outside and he felt like he might be sick again.  
“I can get you some water or would you prefer ginger ale? It might be better for your stomach…”  
“I’m fine,” lied Bucky. Cordelia’s expression was stern.  
“I don’t feel good about leaving you like this.”  
“I said I’m fine,” said Bucky stubbornly, “I just…I need to be alone.”  
“If I’m honest Bucky, I’m worried you’re alone too much as it is,” Cordelia sighed and got to her feet. She offered her hand to Bucky but he refused it making it to his feet on his own.  
“See, I’m fine…” he glanced down at the trash can. There was an impression from the fingers of his metal arm where he had gripped the can as he had snatched it from Cordelia. “Better than your trash can.”  
“That can be replaced it’s you I’m worried about. You’re in a vulnerable place right now. I’m just not sure…”  
“Please Cordelia, if I promise not to kill myself will you just let me be?!” Bucky collapsed onto the couch. “Besides, I know if I did you’d just bring me back.” Cordelia sighed with resignation.  
“Ok, get some rest, but Bucky…” she paused, “you need to talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be me but…” she gazed at him with a concerned expression. “You have Steve’s number and my door’s always open.” She left and Bucky collapsed on the couch. There was a throbbing pain in his temple and his whole body felt like lead. He closed his eyes but the visage of Howard Stark floated through his mind…his wife was in that car with him which meant… Bucky felt another wave of nausea and reached for the trash can.  
He heard the front door creak open. He immediately shot to his feet, adrenaline charging through his body as he took up a fighting stance. It was only Misty’s voice that broke through the fog in his mind.  
“Bucky? Hey…” She approached him calmly but with a cautiousness as one might approach a wounded animal. “Bucky it’s just me…you can settle down…it’s alright.”  
“Sorry,” he said lowering his fists. “Old habits…”  
“Cordelia said tonight’s session was pretty rough,” she gazed at him sympathetically. “Can I get you anything?” Bucky shook his head.  
“No thanks…I’m probably just gonna grab a shower. I’m sweating like a pig.”  
“That sounds good; probably’ll make ya feel better to freshen up. Madison swears by her hot baths.” Bucky grimaced.  
“Not sure about that…it’s hot enough as it is.”  
“Well take a cold one then,” Misty said with a shrug and a small smile. A thought crossed Bucky’s mind about what Misty’s preferred bathing habits might be which he immediately tried to banish.  
“Guess I’ll head up,” Bucky began to make his way out of the parlor but paused at the doorway and turned back to face Misty. “I was just wondering, I’m probably not going to sleep much tonight so if you’re going to be up late…” he trailed off unable to find the words. God, he never used to get this tongue tied around women. He finally managed to stammer out “We can talk.” Luckily for him, Misty seemed to take his nervousness in stride.  
“Sounds good to me. I’ll listen for ya.”  
“Great, I’ll try not to take too long.”  
“Take as long as you need, I’m in no hurry.”  
As Bucky made his way upstairs he actually felt lighter almost buoyant. However when he got in the shower he was suddenly hit with the magnitude of what he was possibly about to do. He hadn’t even really talked to Steve all that much about his time as the Winter Soldier. His doubts once again began to creep back into his mind. He closed his eyes and let the lukewarm water of the shower run over his head and face. He thought once again of Howard Stark.  
After about twenty minutes, though he still didn’t feel truly clean, he dried off and dressed in a fresh set of clothes. He did however, take the trouble to run a comb through his hair so he wouldn’t look completely ungroomed. There was finally a knock at the door and he heard Misty’s voice ask “Ya decent?” He couldn’t help but give a wry chuckle at the question.  
“As much as I can be.” He replied he began to cross the room to open the door but it swung open on its own as Misty walked into the room with two steaming mugs.  
“I made myself a cup of tea so I figured I’d bring you one too…just be careful it’s kind of hot.” She held out the cup to him and Bucky took it carefully.  
“Thanks, do you need a chair?”  
“I can be anywhere. Heck, I’m ok just sittin’ on the bed…if you don’t mind that is.”  
“Not at all. Go ahead.” Misty sat cross legged on the bed and took a sip of her tea while Bucky took a seat on the other side. “If I may ask what’s in the tea?”  
“Lavender, chamomile, and wildflower honey. Cordelia recommends it for sleep and relaxation. It’s not healin’ mud but it certainly tastes better.” Bucky took a sip.  
“Not bad,” he set the cup on the bedside table.  
“So, what happened tonight? Cordelia didn’t give me any details…not that she would; she’s good like that.” She gazed at him questioningly.  
“I saw…” the words caught in Bucky’s throat and he looked away. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”  
“Bucky, whatever it is I want to help you; we all do.” She tilted her head regarding him with concern. “Don’t ya trust me?”  
“It’s not…” Bucky paused, “honestly it’s more whether you can trust me…any of you. Whether I even deserve it.” He stood up and began to pace the room. “I keep trying to escape it, but I can’t. Bucky the lone wolf…Bucky the killer…the Winter Soldier.” He paused his breath ragged. “My dreams…and in the sessions with Cordelia, I see things I forgot happened. Like a door unlocking in my mind…Torture…Slaughter…and training others in their use. If you knew who I really was…what I’ve done…I’m a monster.” He hung his head; the penitent awaiting judgement.  
“Bucky,” Misty spoke softly, come sit back down ok? She patted the spot beside her and Bucky sat back down on the bed though he was still unable to meet her gaze. “Look at me,” he raised his eyes cautiously, she was regarding him with look that was sympathetic but intent.  
“I’ve sensed evil ever sense I was a child. I could smell the sweet rot of a decaying soul; but I don’t sense that with you.” She reached out and placed her hand upon his. “Whatever else you may feel is wrong with you, your soul’s intact and that tells me…and it should tell you, that you’re a good person…a lot better then you realize.”  
“That seems hard to believe,” Bucky muttered.  
“Well, I believe it and I’ll keep believin’ it until you can.”  
“Thank You,” the words felt insufficient. He still wasn’t entirely sure that he was a good person but he was grateful that Misty did, and that in spite of all he had done, she had not rejected him.  
“Ya don’t have to thank me for tellin’ the truth.” She smiled at him, “now do me a favor, drink some more of your tea before it gets cold.”  
“Yes ma’am,” Bucky managed to smile at her before quickly taking another drink of tea. “So, does this tea help? With sleeping I mean.” Misty shrugged.  
“I don’t know…but it tastes good and I’m willin’ to try anything that might help,” she glanced at Bucky. “So what happened tonight?” Bucky put his cup down on the bedside table, his hand trembling slightly.  
“I saw…I remembered someone I had killed. I mean…I…I’ve killed a lot of people and every memory is…but this…” he took a ragged breath. “I knew the person I killed…I knew him during the war but that didn’t stop me. He recognized me…said my name but I…” He screwed his eyes shut to keep his tears at bay. He heard Misty get up and put her cup on the bedside table. He felt her sit down beside him again and took his hand. She pressed herself close to him placing her head on his shoulder. As he breathed in the sweet scent of her hair his defenses crumbled. He began to sob uncontrollably; sixty seven years’ worth of tears flowed in a seemingly endless river. Throughout it, Misty held him and he clung to her as though she was the one thing that would keep him from getting swept away into an ocean of sorrow. When his tears finally ceased, he became conscious of the sound of rain softly tapping at the window and the gentle rumble of distant thunder.  
“You should probably get some sleep now,” Misty murmured.  
“Could you stay?” The words had come out involuntarily and reddened realizing the audacity of his request.  
“Yeah,” she whispered, “I’ll stay.” They climbed under the covers and Bucky reached over to turn out the light.  
“I just…do you need pajamas or anything?” Misty chuckled.  
“I’m fine, I’m actually pretty used to sleepin’ this way.” Bucky turned off the lamp and as he and Misty lay together in the darkness, they drifted off into a peaceful slumber that had eluded them both for far too long.


	3. Chapter 3

The first sound Bucky became conscious of was the rain drumming heavily on the window. However it was a soft moan that made him open his eyes. Misty turned over in her sleep and put her head on his shoulder. As he examined her face in the grey morning light, he felt as though the demons that haunted him for so long had temporarily been banished. For this moment all that existed was the sound of the rain and the warmth of her near him.  
In his past when he had gone to bed with other women (and when they had done much more then sleep) it hadn’t ever really been like this. The mornings where he had stayed the whole night with a girl had a level of awkwardness and even when --somehow-- his relationships had gotten past a few dates, they never seemed to last very long. Of course before the war, he thought he had all the time in the world to find a wife and settle down and during the war it seemed like there was so little time and any pleasure needed to be had in the moment.  


He wanted to hold her close to him and caress her soft skin. Instead he settled for rearranging the blankets so that they could cover her more fully. Although he tried not to disturb her, the movement managed to wake her.  


“Mornin,” Misty snuggled closer to him then suddenly frowned “what time is it?”  


“Hold on,” he fumbled for his phone. Apparently one of the quirks of the new century was that the phones had everything on them like some kind of electronic Swiss army device. “According to this it’s eight forty-five.”  


“Damn!” Misty sat up, “I’ve missed mornin’ gatherin’ oh God…”she pushed back the covers and stumbled out of the bed. “I gotta change…shit!” She dashed out of the room leaving Bucky kicking himself mentally. Just because his days were fairly unoccupied didn’t mean hers weren’t. He walked into the hall. The door to Misty’s room was open and Bucky stood to the side of it so that she could hear him but still have privacy to dress.  


“I’m sorry I didn’t wake you,” he said sheepishly, “It’s just…you looked really peaceful.”  


“Oh it’s my fault,” she said from inside the room. “I should’ve set an alarm I guess. I’m a real light sleeper and between that and…well most times I don’t need one.” She stepped out into the hall and smiled at him reassuringly, “Come on, I think we can make breakfast if we hurry.”  


“I think I should probably at least change my shirt first,” he went back into his room and pulled off the top he had worn during the night and selected one with longer sleeves to hide his arm. He turned to see Misty observing him.  


“Sorry,” she blushed a little. “I guess I should turn around.”  


“Don’t worry about it,” he pulled the shirt over his head. “Let’s go.”  


“Are…you sure you want to wear that? Even with the rain it’s still plenty warm.”  


“It’ll be fine. Besides, I think I’ve made you late enough.” They made their way downstairs and to the door. Bucky grabbed an umbrella from the front hall and they hurriedly made their way next door to the school.  


The dining room was full with the school’s students many of whom were finishing breakfast. Cordelia was sitting at the head of the main table and motioned to them when they entered.  


“Good Morning Misty, when you have a moment there are a few things I need to go over with you…”  


“Cordelia, I’m so sorry. I…didn’t mean to miss…I just um…”  


“It’s really my fault Cordelia,” Bucky cut in. “Misty was nice enough to talk me through things last night and I guess I kept her up pretty late.”  


“It won’t happen again.”  


“Misty, it’s fine,” Cordelia said soothingly. “In all honesty if you getting the rest you need means missing morning gathering once in a while that’s ok. Just don’t mention it to Madison,” she added with a wry smile.  


“Well thanks Cordelia.”  


“I’m gonna grab some breakfast while I’m here...” Bucky left Misty and Cordelia to talk over the day’s schedule and slunk to the table trying not to get noticed by the other students. He grabbed a plate and began to quickly fill it with food fully intending to leave and make his way back to the neighboring house.  


“Hey,” said a voice behind him. He dropped his plate food spilling all over the floor.  


“Shit,” he muttered his face reddening. He began to reach down.  


"Relax,” the owner of the voice appeared in front of him. She had long blonde hair and hazel eyes which seemed to regard him with amusement. With a nod of her head, the spilled food floated up from the floor and flew into a nearby trash can. “Madison Montgomery,” she smirked at him. “You know I’m not sure if you remember but I did promise you your choice of sexual favors if you didn’t shoot up this place. If you like that offer’s still on the table.”  


“No thanks,” said Bucky. He felt like the room was growing smaller. The student’s chatter and whispers were like a roaring wave. “Excuse me,” said Bucky as he pushed past Madison and made his way to the front hallway. It wasn’t until he got onto the front porch that he was finally able to inhale. He took several gulps of the fresh air until he was finally able to steady his breathing. He stared at the sheets of heavy rain falling in front of him. The umbrella was still in the front hallway but he didn’t think he could go back inside. He was considering making a run for it when he heard the door creak open behind him. He turned to see Misty standing there with a plate of bagels.  


“Hey it’s a little crowded for me in there so I figured I’d join you.” She sat in one of the chairs on the porch and Bucky sat beside her. “I brought bagels, I didn’t know what you’d prefer so there’s plain, cinnamon raisin, and blueberry. You can have whichever you want.”  


“What if we split them, have half of each.”  


“Sounds good,” they ate in silence for a few moments before Misty spoke again.  


“Hey whatever Madison said, don’t let it get to you. She can be kind of a bitch sometimes.”  


“It was nothing, he shrugged and tried to procure a smile. “I’ve dealt with HYDRA, I’m not about to let a teenage girl take me down.”  


“Glad to hear it,” said Misty with a grin. Bucky finished off his half of the cinnamon raisin bagel. His next words were spoken quietly so as not to be overheard.  


“Hey… thanks by the way…for last night.”  


“No problem,” she was quiet for a moment as if undecided on what to say, “I was thinkin’ I don’t know about you, but I…well that was the first good night’s sleep I’ve had in a while and maybe we could do it again.”  


“I wouldn’t mind but…is it ok. For us to…?” Misty shrugged.  


“I don’t see why not. I mean we aren’t actually doin’ anything and I’m twenty two so even if we were it really wouldn’t be anyone’s business.”  


“In that case I guess I’m game if you are.”  


“Ok then,” she beamed at him and Bucky felt his heartbeat quicken. They finished off their bagels and stood to go.  


“Oh hold on a sec,” Misty ducked back in the house and came back out with the umbrella. “Didn’t want you to forget this. It’s supposed to be like this all day.”  


“Thanks,” as he reached to take the umbrella, their hands brushed up against each other. Was it just him or did Misty take a moment before she pulled her hand away?  
“Right, um…I’ll see you tonight then”  


“Yeah, see you then.” As he made his way back next door, Bucky realized for the first time since he had been at the academy he was actually looking forward to the day, and night, ahead of him.

Bucky ended up practicing guitar the rest of morning (he had given up the piano after cracking three different keys with his metal arm) and had spent two hours after that tackling his reading list. He was debating what to do next when his phone chimed. He reached for it and saw a message from Steve on the screen.  


Hey are you able to talk? Bucky quickly typed a message in return.  


Sure give me a moment. Regular way?  


Sounds good.  


Bucky pulled out his laptop and once he logged on, he opened the video chat. Callista had compared it to something called Skype but according to Steve this version was more secure. He bit his lip; that would be a good thing considering what he had to tell Steve today. Despite the fact his stomach was turning more somersaults then an Olympic gymnast he managed a smile when Steve’s face came into view on the screen.  


“Hey, how’s the fight with HYDRA going. Where the hell are you anyway?”  


“Norway, we’ve rooted out one base already and we’re about to take care of another one at dawn tomorrow. I wanted to give you a call though…just to check in.” Bucky groaned inwardly.  


“Cordelia told you about last night, didn’t she?”  


“She didn’t mention anything specific but she said you might need to talk.” Steve eyed him intently. “Don’t be too upset at her. She was just worried about you, and I want to know you’re ok too.” Bucky gave a heavy sigh.  


“This line is encrypted, right?”  


“Of course. It’s Stark’s technology.”  


“Stark’s?” Bucky felt a sudden wave of panic.  


“Yeah, Howard had a son, Tony. He works with us; he actually helped us rescue you. He had to leave before you woke up so you didn’t get to meet him.” Bucky took a shaky breath. Considering that Stark’s name and, apparently, his remaining family had been brought up he might as well get to the point.  


“I killed Howard when I was…him. I remembered it in the session with Cordelia last night.” Of all the reactions Bucky expected he was dumbfounded at what happened next. Steve gave a heavy sigh and glanced at Bucky.  


“I know.” After a few minutes that seemed like an eternity, he finally was able to stammer out a reply.  


“You know?”  


“Nat got us most of the files from when you worked with the Soviet branch. Most of the details were redacted but...” his voice trailed off and he looked earnestly at Bucky, “Howard wouldn’t blame you Buck, no one who knew all the facts would.”  


“What about Starks’ kid…Tony…does he know?” Steve winced.  


“Not exactly.”  


“You haven’t told him?! Christ Steve…”  


“Look, Bucky, what the Soldier did…it wasn’t you. Not really.”  


“Steve I killed his parents! How in the hell could you not tell him?!”  


“I just…” Steve sighed, “I wasn’t really sure if it was even for me to tell. I thought when you’d recovered more fully I’d talk to you and we could decide whether to tell Tony or not.” Bucky looked at Steve sadly.  


“And you thought I would honestly say not telling the guy was on the table?”  


“You’ve had enough choices taken away from you. I wanted it to be your decision.”  


“You know we have to tell him Steve.”  


“Yeah,” they sat in silence for a moment. Bucky spoke again.  


“Look I get it if you need to finish the mission first, but as soon as you guys are done we have to come clean.” Steve nodded.  


“Ok we will as soon we get back.” He attempted a small smile, “just don’t do anything stupid until then.” In spite of himself Bucky smirked.  


“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you, Jerk.”  


“Later, Jerk.”  


Steve logged off and Bucky flopped back onto the couch and closed his eyes.  


Fuck.

The rest of the day seemed to drag unbearably. Bucky tried to distract himself to no avail. Instead of his confession bringing him relief, it had brought him even greater anxiety; most of it to do with Tony Stark.  


Bucky had looked Tony up online almost immediately after his conversation with Steve. He seemed a lot like Howard in many ways…genius, sarcastic as hell. However, unlike Howard, who seemed very comfortable floating between the boardroom and the lab, Tony seemed to be more of an inventor at heart. He had even given control of Stark industries to Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts who he had been in a steady relationship with for the past few years. That definitely seemed to be different from Howard though as Bucky sadly reminded himself Howard had eventually settled down too… It also seemed that Tony had inherited his father’s brash nature and temper as evidenced by several YouTube videos—most notably one from 2013 where he had threatened a terrorist even going so far as to give out his home address and daring the guy to show up at his front door. Bucky knew he wanted…no needed to tell the truth. He owed that much but after his “research” on Tony he was fairly certain that forgiveness for his actions was pretty damn unlikely. Not that he would blame him.  


He could really use a run around the block but the rain was still coming down in torrents so he tried everything else that could be done indoors; push-ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, anything to keep moving. Exercise had always cleared his mind and it seemed to numb him for awhile but every time he tried to take a break his thoughts went back to Tony Stark. He finally gave up and went to shower off the sweat he had worked up. By the time he came back downstairs Misty was in the kitchen.  


“Hey, Queenie was in charge of the menu tonight and we made up some gumbo…nothin’ like soup on a rainy day. Ya hungry?”  


“Actually yes.”  


“Sit down I’ll get ya a bowl.”  


“It’s ok I can get it…you don’t have to wait on me.”  


“How about I get the soup; you get drinks?” Bucky nodded  


“Fair enough,” while Misty ladled out the soup, Bucky prepared two glasses of iced tea and brought them to the table.  


“So,” Bucky hesitated for a moment but chose to proceed, “did you not have dinner at the main house?”  


“I was pretty busy helpin’ Queenie and some of the other girls in the kitchen…Cordelia’s been tryin’ to hire staff for the school but it’s takin’ awhile. I don’t mind it too much…some of my better memories are workin’ in the kitchen with Daddy and later Aunt Viv. Course by the time we got through, I figured I might as well come over here make sure ya got somethin’ to eat.”  


“Thanks, though I have been trying to cook more. Granted the food comes out a bit ‘well done’ but I’m making progress.” Misty laughed which made Bucky grin as well.  


“Well if you ever need help there I’m sure that me or the twins or Queenie can help ya out. Actually Nan too…she’s a damn good baker.”  


“I know I’ve had way too many of her pastries on card nights with Luke and Kyle.” He suddenly paused overcome by the normality of the conversation. It was almost strange, especially after the past day to be talking about cooking and card nights. Not to mention this feeling in the moment of comfort which was coming from much more than a bowl of hot soup. “So…what did you do today?”  


“Well I normally teach a few classes…mostly spell craft, potions and healin’ though I can help with telekinesis or concilium in a pinch-that’s movin’ things and uh…” she paused suddenly and when she spoke again it was with more care, “mind control.”  


“Oh,” it was all that Bucky could think of to say. The kitchen was suddenly filled with a tension, thick like smoke. Misty, seeming to sense this immediately tried to put things at ease.  


“Obviously it’s not somethin’ we use carelessly…Cordelia always says that it should only be used in emergencies…to protect ourselves or someone else.” Bucky shrugged.  
“It’s alright, you don’t have to explain it to me.”  


“Maybe, but I want you to know you are safe here. I don’t think any of the girls would try anything. Cordelia’d have a fit if they did, and as for me” she blushed slightly, “I wouldn’t even waste my magic I’d just use my hands.”  


“I’m not sure it would be right to let a lady fight my battles for me.”  


“Well how about if anyone does mess with you while you’re here, I’ll hold ‘em and you punch?” Bucky managed a smile.  


“Maybe, though I don’t think it’ll come to that. Like you said, they’d have to face the wrath of Cordelia.” Not to mention the majority of them are still scared to death of me, he thought to himself.  


“Well how about you? What was your day like?”  


“Uh practiced guitar, I talked to Steve, exercised...you know to work off Nan’s pastries.” He had thought that would be enough to change the subject but Misty seemed to see through the play.  


“How was Steve doin, ok?”  


“Yeah, still fighting HYDRA.” Misty nodded and took a sip of tea before she leaned back towards Bucky.  


“I don’t want to pry and you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but…were you able to tell him what happened last night? It’s ok…if you don’t want to tell me…”  


“No it’s fine,” he sat back in his chair. “As a matter of fact I did tell him about it. Turned out he already knew…” He trailed off and Misty gazed at him questioningly.  


“Surely he wasn’t angry with you?”  


“No, no, nothing like that but…” Bucky took a deep breath, “the person that I killed…it was Howard Stark and apparently he has a son who works with Steve.” Misty nodded.  


“Yeah Tony, we met him when he came to the school this summer.”  


“Well apparently Steve hasn’t told Tony what I did. He said that he wanted it to be my decision. Obviously I’m going to come clean. I’m just waiting for them to finish up with HYDRA. I mean I owe it to the guy to have a face to face conversation with him. It’s just…” He paused overcome with the weight of the situation.  


“It’s just what?” Misty prodded gently.  


“It’s bad enough I am what I am; that I’ve done the things I did but now…” Bucky shook his head, “my best friend who’s always been the most stand-up guy I’ve ever known…he’s lying for me. He sighed heavily and slumped in his chair pushing the bowl of gumbo away, “I’m just not sure I’m worth all this.”  


“Well whether you are or not Steve certainly thinks so. He made his choice and there ain’t no goin’ back. You just need to decide what you’re gonna do and it seems like you already have.” She sighed, “I just...I wish you’d cut yourself a little slack. I mean anyone in your position would feel guilty but beatin’ yourself up ain’t gonna bring anyone back.” Bucky raised his eyes to meet hers.  


“What if…if it was you in Tony’s shoes. If I was responsible for your parents’ deaths…could you forgive me?” Misty frowned thoughtfully.  


“I can’t lie I’d probably be pretty angry at first but…if I knew why, knew everything you’d been through, I’d like to think I would.”  


“You’re not Tony Stark though.”  


“Neither are you,” Misty pointed out mildly. “You’re not gonna know until you talk to him and I’m sure you won’t be alone. Steve’ll probably be there. I bet Cordelia’d be too if ya asked and…she blushed strongly, “I’d be willin’ to be there too; if ya needed the extra support.”  


“I might take you up on that.” Misty smiled at him sweetly and pushed his bowl back toward him.  


“How about ya finish your soup. Queenie and I worked way too hard on that for it not to get eaten.”  


“Sure,” said Bucky agreeably. He drank down what was left of the gumbo and he and Misty put their dishes in the dishwasher before heading upstairs.  


“Hey I’ve gotta get some things from my room real quick I won’t be long. Oh would I be able to use your shower?”  


“Sure no problem,” Bucky stammered trying very hard not to imagine that scene and failing miserably. “Do you need help getting the stuff from your room?”  


“Actually maybe…yeah come on.” When they entered Misty’s room Bucky was struck by its atmosphere. While his quarters were well furnished, it still had a Spartan feel due to Bucky’s lack of possessions and his military tidiness. Misty’s room on the other hand had what could only be described as a bohemian coziness. The walls were covered in posters, there were scarves and shawls covering the lamps and dressers, wherever one looked there was color and light. Misty took some pajamas out a dresser drawer and pointed over to the bedside table.  


“Could you um get the i-thingy…just unplug it.” They made their way back to Bucky’s room.  


“Where do you want me to put this?”  


“Just on the bedside table there,” she grinned at him good naturedly. “I figured if I’m gonna be sleepin’ in here I might as well make sure I set an alarm.”  


“I could have set an alarm for you on my phone.”  


“Oh, I know but…” she glanced at him shyly, “I kind of like to wake up to music…it just helps me get goin’ better.”  


“What kind of stuff do you listen to?”  


“Mostly Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac.” Her eyes gleamed with excitement, “Stevie’s a witch too and she’s my hero. I met her for the first time almost a year ago. Actually she was the one who gave us the book with the spells in it that Cordelia’s been usin’ to help you get back on your feet.”  


“Well, sounds like I need to meet her sometime or at least send her a thank you note,” said Bucky congenially.  


“If you want you can listen while I’m in the shower…just go to the playlist that says ‘Favorites’ ya know what I’ll show you how to get there.” She sat beside Bucky and navigated to the playlist. Truthfully Bucky didn’t need the help. Callista had been steadily introducing him to technology and helping him navigate the phone and laptop that Steve had left for him. However Misty’s enthusiasm was catching. There was something about the way her eyes lit up when she started talking about the music she loved and how she sat close to him holding the iPod where they both could see what she was doing, her shoulder brushing up against him... Jesus what was he thinking?!  


“So I’ll just go ahead and plug it into the speaker here…you think you’ve got a handle on it?”  


“Oh yeah. I think I’ve got the gist of how it works.”  


“Great! Well, I’m gonna go ahead and get in the shower…but once I’m out I’d love to know what you think.”  


“Yeah oh…there should be some spare towels under the sink.”  


“Thanks,” she picked up the pajamas she had brought with her and giving Bucky one more smile closed the bathroom door.  


Bucky pressed the play button and laid back on the bed closing his eyes trying to absorb every sound that he could. 

“Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and wouldn’t you love to love her?  
Takes to the sky like a bird in flight and who will be her lover?  
All your life you’ve never seen a woman taken by the wind;  
Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?” 

The words felt like they had been written for him, about him. Only it was not Rhiannon he longed for but Misty. He opened his eyes. There was no way…he was a ninety-seven year old super soldier with a metal arm, a broken mind, and enough guilt to challenge Atlas on who truly held the weight of the world on their shoulders. She was a…very beautiful and gentle and…fuck she had enough troubles of her own without having to deal with all his bullshit on top of it. Even if she could fall for him she shouldn’t. 

“Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?”

Well that was the answer really. No, he wasn’t going to win. Even if Misty somehow did find a way to love him, he still had the consequences of his past actions to face whenever he finally confessed to Tony Stark. Sure Misty pointed out Tony could forgive him…but Tony could also have him thrown into prison, or simply beat the ever living daylights out of him.  


Still he couldn’t help but want to hold her.  


He was able to listen to five more songs before Misty finally came out of the bathroom patting her hair dry with a towel.  


“So what’d ya think?”  


“I can see why you like it it’s…” although he ravaged his mind for a description, he couldn’t seem to think of anything clever. “I don’t really know how to describe it, but I do like it.”  


“Doesn’t it just penetrate your soul? Tell the truth about everything you’ve ever felt in your whole life?” Bucky broke away from her gaze.  


“Yeah, it’s…” he tried to smile. Honestly, I’m getting tired. That’s probably why I can’t think right now."  


“You really like it though?”  


“Yeah I really like it a lot.” Misty leaned over to pause the music and set the alarm before climbing underneath the covers with Bucky and switching out the light.  


“Goodnight,” she whispered.  


“Night,” Bucky murmured back.  


“Oh, I wanted to ask you…on Sunday I was gonna go out to the swamp…we need some more healin’ mud and I wondered if maybe you’d like to come with me. I could use help gettin’ the jars out, and it might be nice for you too…to get out for a bit.” He should probably say no. He should definitely say no. Instead he found himself accepting  


“I’d like that.”  


“Ok, we can talk about more tomorrow or whenever but yeah. Will you be ok with goin’ early that mornin’? That way we can get back before the day gets too hot.”  


“Sounds like a good idea to me.”  


“Ok then, well goodnight…again.”  


“Goodnight again…too.” Misty giggled in the darkness and curled up next to Bucky. Within minutes she had sunk into a deep slumber. Bucky gazed at her face in the moonlight until finally he too finally gave in to his exhaustion and allowed sleep to claim him.


End file.
